What I'm Thinking About This Week? A Really Good Dog

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Good morning! I can’t believe I’m saying this but...I just finished recording the final episode of Season 2 of Thinking Is Cool. Kind of surreal that I’m now two seasons into living my dream—and it’s because of y’all. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’m off to Chicago today for a long weekend cosplaying as a USC (the California one) fan with my dating app boyfriend’s college friends. I’ve never 1) met these friends or 2) been to Chicago so please send recommendations for 1) meeting your dating app boyfriend’s college friends and 2) Chicago.

Let’s take it anywhere.

What I’m Thinking About? A Really Good Dog

On Tuesday afternoon, my beloved dog Stella died after 13 years of giving wet-nosed nuzzles, jumping in literal circles at the mere mention of the word “walk,” and refusing to play fetch. She was as good as they come—a particularly naughty lab puppy who turned into the best companion I could imagine. Her death, ready as she might have been for it, has hit me hard.

My family got Stella when I was 13, meaning I’ve spent half my life and most of my conscious memory with her by my side. Since the moment my parents finally acquiesced to my pleas for a dog to—and Madison, if you’re reading this stop here—replace my older sister who had just gone to college, Stella has brought such levity and joy to my life. We used to joke that she was a wannabe therapy dog for her keen ability to sense when you needed her most.

I know plenty of people identify as dog people, but I can’t find the adequate words to describe just how much of a dog person I am. Stella was my life—my heart and my soul and my everything. She taught me so much about loving unconditionally, and even in her death she’s still showing me more of the world.

See, losing her rendered me heartbroken in a way I’ve never felt, not even in the aftermath of my worst breakup. But eventually the sobs gave way to staring out the window listlessly which gave way to me writing this.

Writing about loss feels at times futile. How could I possibly communicate what she meant to me? How could I possibly expect thousands of people who’ve never met her to understand what made her so special? How could I encompass this crushing grief in words and sentences?

I’m not sure I’ll ever really be able to, but my attempt, however futile, has led me to spend the last couple of days thinking about the impermanence of life (as many grieving people do).

The last time I was home, I knew it might be my final chance to give Stella the rump scratches she’s always loved. I spent as much time as I could on the floor playing with my 80-pound blind, deaf, diabetic best friend. It was bliss, and I’m glad our final days together were spent well.

In the wake of her death, I’ve been reflecting on Stella’s 13 years of life. It’s what people tell you to do when your dog dies—think of how happy she was, they say, she knew she was loved. For all the dumb, useless things we tell grieving people, this might be the sole example of something that actually feels true and helpful.

She knew she was loved. She had a happy life. She died, but before that she lived so, so well. It doesn’t make me miss her any less, but it does soften the sharpest edges of loss.

Loss is all around us, an inevitable force that we can’t stop no matter how hard we try. And it hurts like hell to lose part of your family. But death shows us so much about life—about the one life we’re all given, regardless of species. I wish it didn’t take such enormous loss to remind me of that.

I will always carry Stella’s memory close to my heart (and yes I’m crying in a WeWork writing this). But perhaps the biggest lesson she imparted on me is this: It shouldn’t take death to appreciate life. I should wake up every morning, even when I someday have a puppy that just won’t stop chewing holes in the wall just as Stella did, grateful that I’m surrounded by joy...and unconditional love.

Here’s to you, my favorite grey-muzzled girl.

Thank you for reading! These Friday pieces have become more and more personal, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them. It’s catharsis for me to share in this way and I’m grateful for your willingness to read.

One last thing: your weekend listening!

If you haven’t checked it out already, give my Monday episode a play. It’s all about buying a home—and whether buying a home is even possible anymore. I made it in partnership with our good friends at Fundrise.

As you know, I’ve spent all season telling you about how Fundrise really is changing the idea of real estate investing for everyday people. In this week’s episode, we’re talking about why that matters so much—why real estate is something you can’t ignore—with the help and support of the Fundrise team.

Side note: This home-buying episode has inspired some very interesting thoughts in our Thinking Is Cool Slack community. Join at that link to chime in yourself.

Listen to the episode: Apple // Spotify // everywhere else

That’s all for today. By the time you get this email, I’ll hopefully be at least two Chicago-style hot dogs in. Have the best weekend.

-Kinsey

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