What I'm Thinking About This Week? A Nap

By luck or fate or some other reason, you’ve found yourself reading an email from Thinking Is Cool, *the* podcast to listen to if you want to have better conversations. If this email was forwarded to you, sign up for regular correspondence from me, Kinsey, right here:

Good morning and happy Friday! Today, I’m writing about something that’s not necessarily a perfectly tailored fit for my usual repertoire of happy, bubbly, positive. But this is honest and honest is important. See you at the bottom & thanks for reading.

What I’m Thinking About This Week? A Nap

I’m so tired. I’m tired in the way you feel in your bones. In the way that makes going to the grocery store or even typing a newsletter seem Herculean. In the way that makes you pallid and grey and prone to sudden fits of tears. I’m so exhausted and I don’t know how to rest. Eight hours of sleep each night doesn’t fix it. Eating my leafy greens and capping my screen time doesn’t fix it.

I think it’s because this is the kind of tired you need more than a long weekend to recover from. This is the tired that happens after 18 months of grueling, ceaseless work to keep a smile on your face. This is the tired that happens when you haven’t taken a day to fully, completely process the ways your life has irreversibly changed since March 2020.

It’s the kind of tired we’ve all been prone to during this unusual season of life. An exhaustion set off not by any one feat of physical or mental strength, but an unending slog of both as we continue, some days feebly and some days triumphantly, to make it back to normal, whatever normal looks like.

For me, it’s gone like this:

I spent the first few months of the pandemic (what a string of words that was) devoting myself to my old job at Morning Brew and to Morning Brew itself, working way more hours than ever before because I was only a few months into a new podcast when Covid-19 hit. Work seemed like the right thing to do when I couldn’t do much else.

I spent the next few months preparing to leave a company that had been my whole life for two years. It’s a story for another time (or another memoir), but the break wasn't a clean one.

I spent the next few months building Thinking Is Cool and Smooth Operations, and I stupidly told myself I didn’t need a day (or a month) off before cofounding two new startups. In my mind, I knew what I wanted to do with my life and any time not spent doing it was wasted. But now I can hardly keep my eyes, literally and metaphorically, open.

(And I feel wracked with guilt saying that I am tired. Who am I to be tired when my life has been so comparatively easy—and in fact very good—these last 18 months? I think of the nurses and doctors. Think of the parents. Think of the families being torn apart by death and loss. Think of how bad they have it. How exhausted they must be.)

How did I get here?

I’ve spent the better part of 2021 (and tbh most of my life) basking in the glow of comments like “I seriously don’t know how you do it all.” To me, a lifelong overachiever who always seems to have something to prove, there is no compliment as high as someone recognizing your effort to go above and beyond.

But now, as I sit in front of a laptop every single day willing myself to keep writing, keep podcasting, keep posting, keep emailing, keep checking in, keep the lights on...I’m tired. I think I’ve finally reached a breaking point, one at which I realize that all the “how does she do it” comments in the world aren’t enough to sustain me forever. They're not what matters.

It’s taken me nearly 27 years of overachieving to realize that, actually, just achieving is fine. And it’s especially fine when you’re living through a once-in-a-generation crisis every, like, three and a half years.

I’m not saying I’ve perfectly nailed the whole “be gracious with yourself” thing—there’s no on/off switch for a brain hardwired to prove it can accomplish more, better, faster. But I am saying this: If you’re reading this, you’ve lived through something unbelievable. You might not have made it through the last 18 months in one piece, but you made it through somehow.

And if you’re tired, it’s okay to admit it. It’s okay to feel happy and fulfilled and excited for future trips, future loves, future memories...but also feel dog tired.

Here’s what I’m going to do about it:

1. Take the time to write about and process what I’ve been avoiding writing about and processing since March 15, 2020

2. Ask my family to remind me as many times as it takes to stop putting so much pressure on myself and listen to them when they tell me so

3. Do one small thing every day that makes me feel more rested and more grounded

I hope you’ll hold me to it. The “end” of this pandemic and the exhaustion it’s wrought for each of us gets murkier with each passing day, but despite the cabal of uncontrollables weighing us down, there is always one element we can control: how we choose to learn from life’s inevitable lessons.

Anyone need a drink after that? I need a drink after that. Let’s take a beat to hear from the geniuses over on the West Coast at Massican…

No matter how many times the wine store clerk says “let me know if you have any questions,” I’ve never felt comfortable asking questions about wine—mispronouncing “sauvignon” or asking for the “driest, most affordable white” for the 1,000th time? Just too much to bear.

At long last, though, I don’t have to blindly guess which bottle might be for me. Because I know what I want: Massican.

I know you’re picking wine based on the label like me, so why not pick a label that actually tells you what you’re getting? That’s what Massican is all about—their labels tell you everything, from pairing suggestions to tasting notes.

With Massican, you get an affordable, low-calorie, low-alcohol, and (most importantly) delicious white wine...and after one glass, you’ll never have to ask the wine store clerk for help again.

Pick up a bottle of Massican today, available for purchase at www.massican.com, in fine wine shops, and in select Whole Foods nationwide this month.

Thank you so much for reading today. I love sharing my view of the world with all of you, and I really hope you know you can do the same. I’m always here, on the other end of the email.

And a small addendum: I edited this piece, went to a barre class, got a fall-themed coffee, and then my boyfriend texted me about getting cider doughnuts this weekend and suddenly I’m not so tired. Don’t fight your feelings, but don’t let them rule every day either. When you’re happy, be happy.

One last thing: I’m not saying Facebook deserved it, but God’s timing is always right. In an instance of almost perfect timing, Facebook has this week gone through what I can only describe as hell. The outage, the Congressional hearing, the whistleblower...almost as if our collective calls for responsibility (especially this one I released on Monday) are working.

Have the best weekend. Go do something for yourself. See you here Monday for an episode of Thinking Is Cool that I’m truly through-the-roof excited to release.

-Kinsey

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