A Very Cool Thanksgiving

By luck or fate or some other reason, you’ve found yourself reading an email from Thinking Is Cool, *the* podcast to listen to if you want to have better conversations. If this email was forwarded to you, sign up for regular correspondence from me, Kinsey, right here:

Morning, everyone! Since I haven’t sent you an email in 25 days, I want you to picture me as Serena van der Woodsen fresh off the train from “boarding” “school” in Grand Central. Mysterious, fresh blowout, a certain je ne sais quoi made all the more compelling by a tiny little neck scarf (I can’t wait for my Dad to ask wtf any of this means).

Over the last month, I haven’t been hobnobbing with Manhattan’s elite or rendezvousing in their scandalous lives, but I have been spending a good deal of time…..you guessed it, thinking. And reflecting. And preparing myself for the annual torrent of end-of-year content that almost systematically makes us all feel worse. 

So today, I come to you on the eve of Thanksgiving to share some gratitude and commit myself anew to Making The Internet Fun Again™. Let’s take it anywhere.

I Went to The Dentist And All I Got Was More Anxiety

Yesterday, I went to the dentist. Well, more specifically, my mom booked me (age: 27) an appointment with the same dentist who’s been telling me “no cavities, looks good” since 2008 because I refuse to find my own healthcare in New York City, where I have lived for almost five years.

I went to the dentist and everything was as it always is—I lied about how often I floss, the technician commented on how big my teeth are, and Dr. Torgerson said “no cavities, looks good.” But this time around, those four words came with an addendum: “Looks like you’re a clencher, though.”

A clencher. I guess I hadn’t really connected the dots, but the persistent dull morning headaches and tight jaw muscles and wound up neck? Looks like I’m a clencher.

Dr. Torgerson asked if I was stressed or anxious lately, communicating to me, someone who has had nary a cavity her whole life, that this was something that needed treatment.

Sitting in a fluorescent suburban dentist office, I had a sudden and unavoidable reckoning. I’ve spent the bulk of the last year preaching about work/life balance and earnestly pursuing your passion and practicing self forgiveness. But I’m a clencher. I’m a clencher who’s had more than one literal night terror this year. I’m a clencher with a semi-regular eyebrow muscle twitch.

Stress and anxiety are manifesting physically throughout my body and, quite frankly, against my will. Because I’m happy! I’ve never been this happy! It feels as if my body is betraying me—how could I be stressed when my life is so good?

Sure, starting a business is stressful. Being alive in 2021 is stressful. But the ample abundance in my life should make up for that, right? If you, like me, think the answer is yes...maybe you should ask your dentist about clenching.

Turns out I still have quite a bit of work to do—I’ve been talking the talk but not exactly walking the walk.

For all I’ve read and written about divorcing your self worth from your success (or the lack thereof) at work and living authentically and embracing change, here I am, preparing to shell out several hundred dollars for a custom night guard molded to the shape of my mouth to prevent further damage to my teeth because I am a clencher.

Today, my semi-spurious claims of having it figured out stop. I’m honestly assessing my life, and as we dwindle toward 2021’s twilight days, I’m vowing to remove the clench-inducing from my life, or at least to get better at managing it.

I vow to stop measuring my days in productivity and comparison instead of goodness.

I vow to recognize that each day is a once in a lifetime day, and you can’t enjoy a once in a lifetime day if you’re busy furrowing your brow over a menial task.

I vow to commit time to the things that matter, like making a good show and interviewing people who deserve a platform and connecting with you and having fun doing it.

Today, that last vow takes the shape of a list. Because 1) it’s almost Thanksgiving and 2) you know I love a chance for radical transparency and 3) I’m hoping that writing a list of things for which I’m grateful will rewire my subconscious to stop with the whole tooth destruction thing...I present:

The inaugural Kinsey Grant Gratitude List, a compilation of all the things and people for which I’m grateful this Thanksgiving.

The freedom to express myself however I choose and still make a living doing it. And a new kind of internet that welcomes that aforementioned self-expression.

A growing team of relentlessly intelligent people (Jenny, Josh, Ali, and Jesse) to work with. You make the punishing effort of building things worthwhile.

I’m grateful for my family, whom I cherish and understand more with each passing day of my real adulthood. We may be unorthodox, but there’s no family like ours.

Alright get ready to want to vomit if you’re anything like I was just last Thanksgiving, but my dreamboat boyfriend, Coleman, who is my port in every storm and the best person to celebrate a win with. And like, really good looking.

Speaking of last Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for the capacity and privilege to change and evolve without forfeiting the things that make me who I am. My life is unrecognizable from just a year ago, and I deeply value the lessons those changes have taught me.

A near-perfect track record in my effort to complete the NYT Mini Crossword in under a minute every day.

Dogs. My family lost a good one this year, but we also better appreciated quality time with the smartest, silliest pandemic puppy, Teddy Bird.

My health (mental is always a WIP but physical is tip top—thank you, science).

Friends, especially those who’ve been there forever. Seeing my best friend, Hannah, and her husband, Mitchell, raise a beautiful, bubbly baby boy is the greatest gift.

More time at home in Tallahassee than I ever expected.

I’m thankful for finally feeling confident in my own skin.

Financial stability and being my own boss. 

All of you. I’ve always kind of had this vision of being known, even as a child. But when I envisioned it, I never imagined it might come with a community of genuine, perspective-altering people. I’m blown away every day by your capacity for compassion and funny retorts. You make this worth doing, and I am so fortunate to know you all through my screen.

Incredible, mind-bending opportunities I’d never imagined possible.

Really good, really honest writers sharing themselves with the world.

And a computer, WiFi connection, and brain so I can continue to attempt work worthy of sharing the internet with the best of them.

This is, as grateful people expressing gratitude say, not an exhaustive list. But it’s a small sampling of the reasons I’m looking back on the last year with nearly incomprehensible joy. I hope you have something you’re grateful for too. I’d love to hear what it is—hit reply and join me in documenting the good stuff.

To all celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, I wish you a happy holiday and a (trigger warning: moist) moist turkey. Sit back, reflect on the good in your life, and for the love of all things holy stop clenching your jaw.

See you soon for some fun conversations.

-Kinsey

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You made it this far, so here’s a photo of me taken immediately after dancing in the 2012 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Okay bye Happy Thanksgiving! Almost!